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11:00pm 6-30-2025 just finished reading this and this essay on substack and think i've made the decision to follow through with dumbifying my iPhone for the month of july using iOS's assistive access feature. i want to keep a daily log of my feelings towards having my phone be more of a tool and less of a little computer in my pocket. this is something i've been meaning to do for a while and this past week i even began looking into possible flip phones, although that was a rabbit hole of its own. i do eventually want to move towards more analog tech - as that's something i've always had a passion for anyway. i got a refurbished sandisk mp3 player a few months ago and finally canceled my spotify subscription this week. another thing i'd been meaning to do for a while. i've been downloading music here and there onto it. choosing what to download has also made me more selective about what i want to be listening to. it's been increasingly difficult to listen to my thousands of saved songs over the last 6 months - nothing seems to satisfy whatever it is i am craving from music. the first thing i did when i got the mp3 player was buy all of Flower Politics's (formerly kill the intellectuals) discography on bandcamp and downloaded my favorite albums onto it. in doing so, i realized i was a lot better about buying music and physical media of music i liked back in hs. be it frankie cosmos, diet cig, or kill the intellectuals. 15 year old me is who i still aspire to be at times.

anyway. i think not having safari on my phone and overall not being able to access a lot of things readily on it will be a really good thing for me. given that i haven't gotten full clearance for my return to work, it seems wednesday might be my first real day back. i am grateful - i was fully unprepared to return tomorrow and how today went made that even more evident. i took multiple naps and didn't really do much else. it's okay, or so i'm telling myself. i guess if i do stay home tomorrow, i want to sew up a bag to carry the items i want to take to work. i had a tote originally but think it was bad on my shoulders and the camera bag i'd been using was honestly just getting full of random items. i want to be more intentional about the things i'm taking along with me. i want to be more intentional in all aspects of my life i guess. more than i've been.

it's getting late though. i must call it a night. still in the process of fixing my sleep schedule. goodbye, june.

6-30-2025 i think i am finally ready to begin this blog of sorts. mostly as a place for proper website updates, things/pages i want to add, miscellaneous thoughts, and stuff.

i guess an update as for the last month and a half that i have been not as active updating this place and in general: had an episode at work, ended up in the behavioral unit of the local hospital, took medical leave from work that originally was only going to be three weeks and has become nearly 7. made a new friend. adopted a pet bunny. i'm supposed to be returning to work tomorrow once i get clearance from my therapist that i am good to go. a month and a half off has come and gone. i don't feel significantly better, i know that will come with time. as all things do, i suppose.

i do plan on working more on my website when i return to work. there's a lot of edits i want to make to the stylesheets of some pages, make the art pages more consistent with each other, add some pages. knock out my to-do list. i recently started taking a course on ui/ux design and i think that'll help me improve the layout of my webpages as well as working with possibly making the site (or at least a few pages) mobile friendly and more accessible. i miss the excitement web development gave me when i first started coding - it feels like a lifetime away from this moment although it's only been a few months.

the last six, seven, eight months of my life have been hard. i don't think i wanted to admit how unwell i was until i couldn't do anything else but face it right in front of me. i hope the next six, seven, eight months ahead of me are- i guess, above all - full of life. full of experience and laughter and a lust for being alive still. i've been feeling that in fleeting moments the past week or so - in laughing with a friend, seeing my bunny zoom around his space, in slowing down and not giving into the urgency of things around me. all this time i've been awaiting the return of softer times and i hope that is still what's to come.